The rest of the world now expects the Olympics to be unsafe, wet and difficult to get to. Surely the UK can now beat these expectations given they are so low.
Let’s tackle the weather first. This will clearly improve following the Mayor of London’s decision to seek divine intervention.
“Maybe it was time to call upon the sun god Ra, or Phoebus Apollo, or Sol Victrix, or whatever name he now goes by, and lift our hands in chanting entreaty. Come on, O thou fiery spirit that animates the world. Come on out from wherever you are hiding,” wrote Boris Johnson in the Telegraph newspaper on Monday.
“Shine the light of your countenance upon us, you miserable blighter. Extend thy beams, so reverend and strong, and dry the water from our upturned cheeks. Flatter the mountain tops with your sovereign eye, vaporize the thunderheads, and give us all a break,” pleaded the mayor.
If praying does not work then there is always the rather costly method used by the Chinese in Beijing to induce clouds to rain before they reach the Olympic village. It has also rained for so long that the statistical chances of the sun coming out have to be rising by the day.
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